Trains, Planes and Autorikshas

Without wanting to sound like a show-off (which I invariably will, but we can at least keep up a pretence of humility), I have decided to dedicate some time to the Indian public transport system and how it compares to that of some other countries I have had the privilege to see.
There are two basic forms of long-distance travel: trains and buses. Trains are, and not only to my taste, the better option when it comes to not hour-long but day-long journeys. In part this is due to the inherent romantic nature of trains in general (made immortal by Agatha Christie and Paul Theroux), but also because trains DO have toilets (disgusting though they may be), the stations are clearly marked (who hasn’t nearly missed a stop on a bus in the middle of the night simply because there is no way of finding out what in God’s name the stop is called?) and there is the opportunity of stretching your legs on the train itself or on the platform (as long as you don’t get “duffiled”*).
In my experiences, the Indian trains rank a solid third behind Egypt’s number 1 and Turkey’s second place. This is due to the lack of lockable compartments and general overcrowding. Egypt’s and Turkey’s outstanding ranks are due to the kind porters, clean compartments, beds as comfortable as to be expected on trains and mostly interesting travelling companions. Egypt has a slight edge thanks to the bar in one car and the food which is included in the price and served in your compartment. So far, rather sensible and objective (I like to think). But what puts Indian trains before the surprisingly cheap Swedish variety or the “efficient” German model? It is true, the Swedish model is clean, comfortable, typically non-segregated and a lot of fun. But what is missing is the sense of adventure. If you plan to take a train in Sweden from A to B, you can be sure to get from A to B at the appointed time and without major hassles. In India on the other hand, this is not always a given. But the view of the countryside while sitting at an open door, the “chayachayachayachaya” call and steaming hot tea from the chai-wallah (for about 6 cents per paper cup), the upper-berth which you have to climb up to, the hot samosas sold directly at your berth and that little bit of uncertainty that you will really reach where you meant to go all make the whole thing an experience to write home about rather than 17 boring hours on a piece of public transport. (German trains come last due to incredible over-pricing, rude travellers, bad service and delays. The only redeeming feature is the socket in the compartment which can make Daniel Craig your travelling companion. If you happen to have a laptop on you.) Bus travel in India is to be discussed in the next issue.
(Tastes and perceptions are purely subjective and the author does not guarantee similar experiences on abovementioned trains.)
* to be duffilled: to leave one’s train at a station to stretch one’s legs and to subsequently miss said train.